In Fact, Yes, I am a Billionaire
Dear Internet Girl,
I’m sure it charms you to know that I am, in fact, a billionaire — and I bet you didn’t think you’d stumble across one trolling the pages of craigslist as you were. I admire you for going after what you want in life, which I assume is to be the mistress to a wealthy billionaire, because do you know how I came to be a billionaire — exactly, I went after what I wanted in life. Which if you didn’t get, cause some people don’t have my Mensa level IQ, was to be a billionaire and have a number of mistresses.
Obviously, because I am a billionaire, I don’t spend all my time in Vancouver — most of my time is spent traveling from some exotic city to another exotic city. But I do spend most of my, billion dollar, down time in a nice mansion in Vancouver. Why Vancouver you may ask, great question. I’ll add onto your question by saying, how many billionaires actually live in Vancouver? That is a great addition to your already great question. The answer, not a lot. And that is exactly why I want to live in Vancouver — because I am one of those extreme billionaires, like Richard Branson — only like ten times as extreme. And what’s more extreme than living in Vancouver, that’s right — Very little.
Now that you know a little about me. I won’t tell you my exact net worth, but let’s just say it’s in the billions. I would love to take you out for an overly expensive, completely self-indulgent dinner. And who knows, if we really hit it off, maybe we will end up back on my private jet — flying to one of my many private islands.
Of course, because I am so wealthy, and therefore quite recognizable, discretion would be the utmost importance. Therefore you could not tell your girlfriends, or mom, that you were the exclusive mistress to a billionaire. In return for your discretion, I would lavish you with tons and tons of presents — mostly expensive ones, but sometime sentimental ones. Because I am a billionaire, but a billionaire with a heart.
Now I know it will probably be hard for you to make your decision, without knowing exactly how many billions of dollars I have — But I guess trusting me is the first step in building what will obviously be quite a successful relationship.
Yours Truly,
Random Billionaire On The Internet.
